Apples and Corndogs

So I was on the way to a Mother & Toddler group this morning when my mind started wandering, as it does. And I started thinking about body shapes. You know, there’s pear shaped, hour-glass, etc. But there’s no apple shaped body type, which is how I would describe mine at the minute. Then I thought, hang on a minute. My fat sits around my middle but my arms, neck, legs and ankles look ok. I must be corndog on a stick. Or even a shish-kabob of some sort. That makes more sense.

To be fair, I was taking a medicine that made me hungry ALL THE TIME. And I do mean all the time. I’ve since stopped taking it and have lost about 7 lbs. But I’ve also stopped eating so much junk. So I suppose my shape will be changing a lot. I hope so, anyway.

I took my knitting into the group and sat for a couple of hours knitting away. I’ve got about 16 more rows (of 500= stitches each) to do before I start on the border. It’s coming along just fine. There’s a lady there who I would describe as less than genuine. She’ll chat away happily as long as there isn’t anyone else more popular or politically advantageous around. But, now that I’m attending church regularly, I’m finding that, while I notice these feelings, they don’t seem to affect me as much as they used to. I seem to be more confident and comfortable with myself. Certainly having a good week with the kids last week was a help.

You probably didn’t know this, but I suffer from depression (in varying degrees) and a good helping of insecurity to boot. So that’s what the medicine is for. It also helped me sleep. So now when I wake up in the night I find it difficult to fall asleep again. But I’d rather be tired than obese.

There’s a real history of depression in my family, my mom and sister suffering the most. But mine comes and goes. I’m not sure why I’m sharing that with you, but it’s a part of me. I suppose that’s sometimes why I find it difficult to handle the kids, when I’m not feeling my best. Anyway, I’d better go for now. I’ve got to take Jack to nursery and buy some muffin cups. I’m making corn muffins to take to my class tomorrow.

See you soon!

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~ by imadethis on February 5, 2008.

4 Responses to “Apples and Corndogs”

  1. I suffer from depression too, and didn’t share that with anyone for a very long time. I should have. Lately, I found that it helps a lot to talk about it. So, I’m glad you shared that about yourself. I hope it helps you too! 🙂

    I wonder if everyone suffers but in their own way. Seems like it’s so common, but again something people don’t always enjoy discussing. It’s taken me a long time to finally admit to it. I suppose it was easier to pretend that I was a happy homemaker than to talk about the way I was really feeling.

  2. You know, as I have gotten older, I have realized that more of us face these same issues (i.e. depression and insecurity) than I ever imagined. Of course, I think some experience these things to a deeper level than others.

    Thankfully, my worst experiences were a long time ago, and I have since learned to sense when I am falling and find a way to deal with things in a manner that stops the downward spiral. It helps a lot that my husband (he was my boyfriend back then) saw what I went through. He understands and helps, rather than saying or doing harmful things to make it worse. He recognizes the signs and can often sees them before I can.

    Once again, I have to congratulate you on your strength in honesty. I think you say what the rest of us feel and just don’t have the courage to express!

    It certainly helps to have a supportive husband/partner. And even better if you have a well established support network. It must be great knowing that it’s a team effort!

  3. I never know the right thing to say but I’m thinking supportive thoughts. Life is hard.

    (thanks for the link btw 🙂

    Thanks, Knitty!

  4. it is hard this slog sometimes and with all the expectations on us it’s no wonder we feel like are falling or slipping under.
    I suffered with depression for a long, long time only I thought it was just me who was crazy and just didn’t fit into the world. As I got older and meeting people like you who are honest I realised that yes, I am crazy but in the nicest way, but not alone!
    Seriously, it’s comforting to know what we aren’t alone isn’t it? It’s such an isolating place to be.

    You’re so right. When it’s really bad it’s like there’s no hope and everything seems meaningless. But when things are all right, it’s almost like it never happened. It’s so strange.

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